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Week Ending September 18, 2006i might have been oh-so-dimly aware of her when she was a playboy model (warning: boobs), but i really got a good dose of her watching an episode of her television show. i was impressed with anna nicole after seeing it for the first time, years ago. for one thing, she had become quite enormous, and didn't seem to care. this earned her points with me. second of all, she sounded and acted like she was on oxyconton for the duration of the show, which was charming. i don't know -- she seems nice, and a little bit unusual. certainly uninhibited, as evidenced by going on screen with revealing clothing and an as-of-yet undisclosed BMI. the show had a tongue-in-cheek element to it, that said "we know this is utterly innane, but we're only mocking anna nicole and her uselessness as a human being by putting it on". i'm not sure anna was aware of this self-effacing, she being as doped up as she was. at that time, she was a paris hilton-esque creature -- famous for being famous. she did nothing: wasn't a model, actress, etc. she just existed as a popular curiosity, and her presentation by the media only fueled interest, which was then quenched by more media presentation. a self-perpetuating loop of celebrity worship. except celebrities are usually singers, actors, etc -- not anna (or paris). they simply exist, and are famous for it. i have a lot of respect for that, simply because it's so dada. anna nicole smith was gorgeous, in her day, and her slightly off-kilter personality came out on the camera, much like jenny mccarthy's (WARNING: more boobs). this is what made her appealing, i think -- no matter how often we cynically state that attraction is solely a function of facial configuration and hip:waist ratio, we're still attracted to personality. i'm not sure i'd marry anna nicole smith, because what would we talk about? but i can still appreciate her as being interesting and pretty, which made her attractive, before she grew into "vast anna nicole". but even then, she was cute. i'm sure i would have gotten used to her. plus, she shrank again, not too long ago. my celebrity crushes: anna nicole smith and maria falconetti ca. 1928, portraying "joan of arc" in the french silent movie "the passion of joan of arc". aren't i cool? the problem with this is, a lot of these zeitgeist searches are going to be celebrities, and i have to save some of my "concept of celebrities in general" talk so as to spread it evenly throughout, even though that's not going to work, in the long run. it makes me think that this project isn't long for this earth -- what can i possibly say about some actress, after writing about some actress for x weeks in a row? i already see "debra lafave", and i have no idea what i'm going to write. i don't even know who she is. after going to the zeitgeist search, i see that a probable reason for the resurgence of interest in anna nicole smith is that her son just passed away. ah yeah, the junior high school teacher who had sex with her student. i think it was not only sex, but she became emotionally attached and was fantasizing about a relationship. it's hard to believe someone would think this, but i'm not entirely un-guilty of it myself. when i was 29, i dated a 19 year old, who dramatically changed over the course of the next year. i caught her right at that transitional period between childhood and adulthood, where a lot of people start to become the person they're going to be for the rest of their lives. the emotional bonds that are born out of sexual intimacy are powerful under normal circumstances, but when work to bind a child even more strongly, because children so easily come under the influence of adults. this is the way things are designed to operate -- adults lead by example and words, and kids imitate their behavior and take on their points of view. if you couple this with sexual bonds, the power over the child is immense. i keep thinking back to ancient greece, where this sort of thing supposedly served some purpose. but from what i read just now, deb lafave was an unintelligent pervert. i've talked to a few guys who snicker at this whole thing, and say "i wish it had happened to me". i don't feel that an "adult" having a sexual relationship with a "child" is bad or wrong in and of itself, legal constraints notwithstanding, because i don't subscribe to that sort of moral twaddle. if a kid is that closely attached to an adult, then the given adult can ostensibly use this closeness to build an intensified mentor/mentee relationship, and thoughtfully and intelligently mold the child's personality, values, intellect, etc. however, there also exists the potential for nearly-irrepairable damage physically, psychologically, and emotionally, which is what statutory laws work at preventing. sex produces an intense closeness that can be harnessed for beneficial gain and development, but can also be used to damage. this is all ancient greek stuff -- look it up.
it's interesting to note that lafave was this kid's teacher. except i don't think she was very bright, and wasn't exactly teaching him socratic philosophy. i think she just had sex with him in the back of her SUV, and enjoyed the sort of power she could wield over her classroom full of hormonal junior high school boys by wearing low-cut blouses. i don't have anything revolutionary to say here, like talk about some conspiracy theory, or how people reacted inappropriately. moreover, i think mine is the only sane response -- all you can talk about is that 2,752 people died. attaching all sorts of political garbage (including "the men who did this were evil psychopaths" as well as "the men who did this were legitimate reistance fighters") cheapens the deaths; it was a humanitarian tragedy, and politicizing it is an insult. oliver stone felt the same way, and expressed it in his movie, which i didn't watch. i'm not sure it turned out to be very good, just like that movie about flight 93. t9/11 is not a political issue. but that said, i can say something about the politics that have sprung up around the event, like a fungus. zealots are always the most visible opinion-holders -- those who say it's a manifestation of a biblical prophesy and that we should kill on sight anyone named "mohammed", as well as those who sneer and say "served us right for being american", on their way to the mcdonalds drive-thru. but these loudmouths are the exceptions; most people are more reasoned, and not so extremist. i'd like to know how people really feel about it. i'd suspect that, in their hearts, they feel as i do -- that it isn't appropriate to sprinkle politics all over 9/11. i can't find anything about him that would cause the masses to search on his name -- the last salmanic event was the ending of his presidency of the PEN american center. but, i haven't searched google news yet (remember, all things on this project must stay googlish). nope, nothing notable there. i can't figure this one out. i have never read any of his books, and i'm not going to read a plot summary just so i can feed you some sallow paraphrase. the only thing i know is that he wrote the satanic verses in the late 80s, and then the ayatollah of iran issued fatwah (death-order) against him for his unflattering portrayal of mohammed. Some of the more vitriolic complaints against the book include the impudent, thinly-disguised portrayal of the revered Prophet Muhammad as a derelict businessman-turned-prophet called Mahound. Mahound is also a derogatory term for Muhammad that was used to represent 'the Devil' in medieval Christian morality plays. -- utoronto.ca artistic license, i suppose. at one point, there was a 5 million dollar price on rushdie's head. it's ironic that the fatwah and ensuing stir generated a tremendous amount of PR for rushdie and his book, which of course inflated sales, which spread rushdie's blasphemy to more people. so perhaps someone should have issued a fatwah against the ayatollah for helping to spread lies about mohammed, peace be upon him. i'm trying to get this done somewhat fast, as it has to be timed with the google zeitgeist. writing this as well as i would like would be a full time job, really. it'd take me about a week (or maybe not -- maybe more like one or two full days) to write good, informative, researched, intelligently-opinionated content on the google zeitgeist searches. this all should be interesting to you, the faithful reader, because you can observe how someone like me manages to eke out paragraphs on a slop bucket of media drivel he doesn't care about. it's a zen exercise, really. also, i am NOT going to go back and fix this writing. i know i always say this, but this time im friggin serious (turns out i did, but not all that vigorously). the reason is that i need to get this done quick-like-a-bunny, and also because i necessarily don't care about how good or bad it is -- part of the project is that it consists of haphazzard and pointless writing, a parody of sites that are there just to earn money. touche. ok, so i went back and did a little bit more fine-tuning. i really can't help it -- i enjoy reading my own writing and admiring what i've created, and while i'm doing it i see little mistakes, inaccuracies, phrasing that bothers me, etc. and writing is so easy to change that i can't resist another upload to blank out a single errant comma. i'm truly sorry i researched this one -- it's deleted whatever modicum of respect i may have once had for the human race. well, it's not that bad. i'm certainly no-one to talk; i do own an emachine and an ipod, after all. someone sent me an article, not too long ago, on how ipods were losing their "coolness", simply because everyone has one now. perhaps now i don't have to be ashamed of owning one. but i still like to carry it in its little case, so it won't look all ipod-ish, both to thieves and to onlookers. the problem isn't so much that ipods are cool or uncool, but that they've carved out a social location, and i want to avoid falling into it. to properly qualify myself to elaborate on this search, i should watch an episode of dancing with the stars, except i fear it might be one of the worst experiences of my life. i suppose i could take my laptop downstairs, enjoying the intermittent wireless signal, so i could at least look away if necessary (also, i could write as i watch). but i really would rather not watch an episode. the worst tripe i've thus far seen on tv is "american's top model", something my aunt likes to watch. she likes reality shows, and says she watches them to "observe the human condition". i guess i can buy that, but why not go out and watch people walk up and down aisles at the grocery store? this project is killing my soul -- by researching and writing about these topics i'm getting a mega-dose of the popular culture i somewhat sucessfully manage to avoid. it's probably a good mental exercise, now that think of it: writing about "dancing with the stars". every writer should do this as part of his or her training: write on something she absolutely doesn't care about, to the point where she finds it personally repugnant and an afront to civility for her to write, such that every moment of writing, every depression of a keyboard key, is like a jab of electricity zapping through her spine. i'm not sure why she is a she, in this case (usually i do "he" for my generic person). in the show, some celebrities dance in conjunction with some regular people, possibly, or not -- maybe it's just celebrities -- i believe in some sort of competition. i'm not sure why this is interesting to anyone, even the horse-brained masses such as yourself. whinney. but no -- i'm sure you're just taking a break from a critique of pure reason for a curious, cursory glance at the internet. every time i see them in an old tv show featuring a cityscape of new york city, i think to myself "those aren't there anymore". among other place i see them on "friends" a lot, not that i went through a shameful period where i watched that show regularly, or anything. when in new york on a visit, i went to the twin towers commemorative site, or "ground zero". you'd never guess that's what it was, if you didn't know -- it's just a fenced-off area that's been sort of paved over with concrete, and seems to be in mild dissarray, like an ongoing construction site (which is what it is, essentially). one might think they were building a stadium or something similar. i wonder who owns that property, and i wonder if the value went up, went down, or stayed the same. the first search related to these events i list was the "9/11" search. this is a search on the twin towers themselves, so i guess i'll talk about the buildings, which i thought were the best part of the new york cityscape -- the empire state building and statue of liberty look antiquated and un-hip. now, the cityscape doesn't have as much character -- not an unsignificant loss, in my opinion. i read that when the towers were built in 1966 from a design by minoru tamasaki (thank goodness for wikipedia), there were a lot of folks who thought they were ugly and garishly modernist, and didn't belong in a dignified cityscape. and there were others who thought they were great, but i don't think they were in the majority. i like new york city. when i'm there, i feel relaxed and accepted. the city is so diverse that it's impossible not to be accepted -- there are little pockets of elitism (like that whole williamsburg, brooklyn thing, even though i don't know that that's still going on), but they're really only elitist as far as they're concerned; the rest of the city goes on about its business, paying no attention. you can move to new york and feel perfectly comfortable, no matter who you are. it's impossible not to fit in there, essentially, and you become a part of the city immediately. that's the impression i got, anyway. anyway, it's a very relaxing place for me in that sense, because i often have trouble fitting in (sniff sniff). i found new yorkers to be polite and helpful, just as i found parisians, which is the opposite of how i'm supposed to find either. it might be something about my approach. what the hell is this? great, another reality tv show. because you know, i can never get enough of those. this one is about a bounty hunter in hawaii. people like to watch shows about bounty hunters, prison, and the ultimate fighting championship. oh, i found why he's part of the zeitgeist -- he was arrested a few days ago and charged with bounty hunting in mexico (a crime over there). u.s. federal marshalls grabbed him, and he's facing extradition to mexico, where he could spend four years in jail. this is big news, because he was the star of a big show, and then something happened to him. woo! why is it that i never hear about these things? this sub-project has been educational for me: it's a lesson on "what's hot". but, i don't think i'm going to do this again. however, i have to finish up this version, just so i can say i tried it once. and, i really do want to see what kind of hits i get. hopefully google picks it up before too long. bounty hunters are cool in the same way mercenaries are cool -- they're "rogues", out on their own, against the world. rugged, violent individualism. the dangerous man, working alone. maverick. etc. etc. the character of "wolverine" would make a good bounty hunter, and i wouldn't be surprised if the character has been employed in that capacity. i guess this is a big issue for the next elections, because a lot of states want to raise it, and of course some people don't want to, and blah blah. i don't know how i feel about minimum wage -- i'm inclined not to support it, even though i know this runs against my general anti-market convictions. i guess it's one area in which i remain libertarian, or even conservative. of course, low or no minimum wage laws hurt people who can't, for whatever reason, get better jobs. maybe they don't speak english, or maybe no one else is hiring in their area or their particular skill-set (or lack thereof). but, we let these people die off in social darwinism, and everyone is that much happier. no, i'm making a funny joke. ok, i changed my mind about minimum wage -- find out the yearly per capita GDP, divide by 2000 and raise the minimum wage to this number of dollars per hour. this would make the united states's federal minimum wage $21/h. of course, states have the option of raising this if their legislatures are so elected to do. i've lately been seeing bumper stickers that read "work harder! millions on welfare depend on you!" this project is really terrible, but perhaps that's "part of the project", as it were -- to point how horrible and empty pop culture is, and to point out what a demoralizing spectre of a life one leads when one chases it down to make a few bucks. when someone as deep and brooding and massively intelligent as myself tries to analyze things like "dog the bounty hunter", a cosmic singularity results that sucks the soul out of the universe. but it's important that we learn to deal with this, so therefore i'm doggedly elaborating on dog the bounty hunter (that was totally unintentional, i hope). god this is bad. i should say a few more words about minimum wage without doing any research whatsoever. here, let me rack my brains: nothing. WHAT THE FUCK I S ZUEN DONT YOUI PEOPLE HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO THATN TO SUCKUP POP CULTURE LIKE SOMEKIND OF RABID HUMMINBIRD!??!?!?!?!? DIIEIDIEIDIDIDIEIDIIEIIDDIIEIDIDIIEIEI that said, zune is "microsoft's anser to the ipod", except as usual for microsoft the zune does too much crap and is associated with all kinds of DRM (digital rights managment). i dunno. maybe it's great. fuckit, i don't care. my ipod is quite functional. it normally lives in my car, along with my cell phone, because when i am in the house i can be reached at my house phone, and can play music directly out of my computer speakers. it makes sense to keep stuff in your car, actually, that people don't ordinarily keep there, such as wallets. well, that's a stretch, because sometimes people need their credit card information to buy lots of crap online (which you must do as well, via this page). however, it's so small that i'm always half-expecting it to break. to help mitigate this, i bought a leather case for it that will at least absorb some of the shock if it gets dinged around a bit, as it sits in my coin tray while i drive around the gaithersburg area, delivering poultry products. i have a pretty sweet set-up in the car, actually: first of all, my cigarette lighter outlet is split in two by a...cigarettle lighter outlet splitter. plugged into it i have my cell phone charger, and my ipod charger. my ipod is also hooked into my tape deck with an...ipod tape deck adapter. so the whole thing makes for a nice bundle of electronics, chords, green lights and red lights that i like so much. but a zune -- i dunno. my ipod works just fine, and it really does seem that the zune is trying to do too much (wirelessly connect to the x-box? please). i think it won't do all that well, but we'll see. i wish microsoft would downsize massively and work solely on their operating system, and possibly the .NET framework. no more of this browser, search, music, video, and video game nonsense. there are people who do these things better, because they've devoted their organization to them. ok, figuring this one out took more than a single glance at the google search results. the first few hits are for an art supply store, a wildlife painter, "he world's most recorded bassoonist," someone who makes fonts, and a minor actor. then, underneath all of the other daniel smiths, we find an article about how he's the son of anna nicole (see first entry), who died recently (the son, not anna). they say "drugs were not involved". but i feel bad for anna nicole, upon whom i've developed a crush based on writing about her in the first zeitgeist item. she must be about 45 years old, though, if her son was 20. let's find out, actually: she's only 39. i guess it makes sense that her son was born when she was 19, even though that's awful young. i adore anna nicole smith, even though i think paris hilton is an unspeakable travesty and an affront to imformation theory. here is anna nicole smith:
i was going to post a pic of her i found on the web, but then i realized that when i become a bazillionaire people are going to come after me for their copyright infringement damages but it's tragic when a parent outlives their child. |
