Ask the Box

22 jun 06

"who is the anti-Mattsmith and when will you fight him/her/it/they?"

you, and at the dawn of armageddon (5:17am, 2609). civilizations will be crushed into dust, worlds moved, galaxies torn apart.

this requires some self-analysis, unfortunately. i can think of a whole set of adjectives to describe myself, but i find that they're almost all unambiguously negative. i was going to ask my mom to supply me with some positive ones, but she told me that it'd be a good therapeutic exercise to come up with them myself.

i'm also afraid people are going to giggle at me if i describe myself as "sexy", "telepathic", etc. but, here goes. time to break out the html table:

positive adjectives	negative adjectives
articulate	impatient
tall	aggressive
good bone structure	violent
analytical	intemperate
creative	impulsive
artistic	irrational
friendly	irresponsible
good listener	no self control
musical	unkempt
knowledgeable	antisocial
depth of character	selfish
fair	immature
honest	intolerant
resilient	disrespectful
powerful	cowardly
hairy	fat

that was hard. let's construct the antimatt now, by providing antonyms.

negative adjectives	positive adjectives
inarticulate	patient
short	meak
ugly	peaceful
simple-minded	even-tempered
dull	cautious
crude	rational
unfriendly	responsible
poor listener	controlled
unmusical	groomed
uneducated	social
shallow	giving
unfair	mature
dishonest	tolerant
resilient	respectful
weak	brave
hairless	slender

so, i will battle this beast, and if and when i defeat it, i will replace my negative qualities with its positive ones. so, there will rise a phoenix who is:

patient
meak
peaceful
even-tempered
cautious
rational
responsible
controlled
groomed
social
giving
mature
tolerant
respectful
brave
slender
articulate
tall
good bone structure
analytical
creative
artistic
friendly
good listener
musical
knowledgeable
depth of character
fair
honest
resilient
powerful
hairy

of course, if the beast defeats me, then an abomination beyond that heretofor imagined will walk the scoured earth, devouring the inner light. dirty, torn clothing will expose its hairless carcass, and it will not be able to sufficiently explain why.

the abomination has no name. the great battle commences here. now. tonight. there is absolutely no figurative or metaphoric significance to this, in case you were wondering.