Ask the Box

29 jun 06

"asses get creme?"

was this intended as an anagram for "secret message"?

what could the secret message be? perhaps the message is "i'm bored at 1:30am and have nothing better to do than submit meaningless questions to 'ask the box'." well, i can relate. i was damned bored yesterday, especially when the power went out.

power failures are fun, in a way, and an opportunity for a transitory meditative existence. but, it takes some "self discipline" to take advantage of this (sitting around in the dark, blinking), something that i didn't (don't?) have, so instead i got in my little air-conditioned car with my cell phone, and drove around aimlessly for a couple of hours, calling people i know and stopping at mcdonalds for chicken strips. by the time i got back, the power had returned. perhaps if it hadn't, i would have achieved enlightenment. bother.

speaking of anagram-solving: i've taken a number of IQ tests over the years, but never one administered by a psychologist, as they say it's supposed to be done. my numbers are disparate. this makes me think there's something wrong with the tests, or that my brain is more active on some days than others. i'm sure this is not unheard of.

i'm forced to the conclusion that my scores yield no good information on my value as a human being. of course i'm being silly, but these single numbers that place a person on some kind of caste-contiuum (IQ, credit score, BMI, etc) are conceptually addictive. there should be a t-shirt that displays one's IQ, BMI, and credit score. one could wear it to singles bars, and be free from the burden of trying to impress people by talking about intelligent topics, wearing flattering clothing, and spending lots of money. instead, you just wander over to someone with similar scores and start making out. it'd be good if there was some index for facial beauty, too, but we take what we can get. also helpful would be a "kindness index".

but do asses (ungulates) get creme? a french ass does, if you feed it creme: pierre the ass gets creme. or, the ass (buttocks) of some person gets an application of "creme" if he has hemorrhoids, except that i don't know what manufacturer would spell their brand of hemorrhoid medicine "creme" -- it's not a glamourous body care product we're talking about here ('la creme du ass', by revlon). it'd be like marketing penicillin in little gold bottles with "forever penicillin." engraved on the side in some classy lower-case script font.

so i suppose the french ass scenario is the only one that applies here. i'm betting that just about every adult animal would lick at a bowl of cream, let alone sumptuous provencal creme. of course, it'd help if the creme was "la creme du jument" (mare's creme).

but let's consider again the anagram, phrased as a question: "secret message?" we could interpret it as either "what is the secret message?" or "is there a secret message?" the domain of this question is under consideration: this webpage, this website, this server, the web, the internet, or the universe. what is the intrinsic "secret message" of each of these domains? we'll assume that, first off, there is a secret message. i'll go through the domains:

enough of this furious masturbation! i just found out i'm going back to work today. must do my laundry.