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09 jul 06 When are you getting married? But if you do not find an intelligent companion, a wise and well-behaved person going the same way as yourself, then go on your way alone, like a king abandoning a conquered kingdom, or like a great elephant in the deep forest. - Buddha "like a great elephant in the deep forest"...i like that. elephants are up there with the chimp and dolphin in terms of intelligence, just so you know. i don't have any plans to go out and search for a mate, but i'm not against marriage in principle or anything; it seems to be a pretty universally desired thing. i just think that it's unlikely that i will find someone i enjoy being around 7 days a week, and vice versa. also, any girl who would marry me as i am would be ugly to the point of deformity. so, that just about answers that question. in often, but not necessarily, this order of importance, many (most? all?) women want:
one sometimes hears that women desire a man with a "sense of humor," but i really don't believe that. everyone's nice, and everyone's funny, if everything else is in place. there's also the cliche that "women want asshole guys" -- i think this is a bit of a misnomer, actually. what is meant is that "women want cocky guys" -- they don't want some guy who is going to pour kerosene over a sleeping homeless person and light a match, kick crippled dogs, etc. an "asshole", as it's presented in this cliche, is merely a man who's "sure of himself" -- ie, struts around a bit, emphasizing good qualities while minimizing bad ones. intelligence can be faked, to a degree, with knowledge and education, and by avoiding speech patterns that make one sound like an idiot. good looks can be faked, to a degree, with well-chosen clothing and good grooming. i should broaden "good looks" to include "good sensory stimuli" -- good-smelling, good-tasting (ew), good-feeling, and good-sounding. ie, shower, rinse with mouthwash, shave chin whiskers off, and work on your speaking voice so as to make it sound a little less dumb and ape-like. in order to get married, i'd have to change some lifestyle habits that i really don't feel like changing. it's very, very, very unlikely that i'd find a "kindered spirit" -- all of the women out there with personalities as great as mine have been snapped up by alpha males. haha, just kidding. sort of. but man...if i were a pretty girl, i'd get so many dates it'd be unbelievable, provided i left my house occasionally. what easier position in society is there than "pretty girl"? i wonder what it must be like be courted wherever you go -- i'm sure it affects one's personality, to say the least. one would constantly receive the message that "you are desirable!", and i'm sure it's not long until self-esteem reaches pathological levels. shy men and ugly women grumble about how easy it'd be if they were only born into the opposite sex. so, i'll probably never get married. where am i going to find a girl i can stand, and who can stand me? the virgo cluster (no double-entendre intended)? also, i'm pretty sure that if i got married, i'd regret it. i know new husbands and wives sometimes think to themselves, "i just made the biggest mistake of my life, and there's no turning back". marriage doesn't seem all that much fun to me. for one thing, women are famous for wanting to reproduce (along with, of course, some men). endowning a child with my genetic tendency towards neurochemical misery and generally fucked-up-ed-ness would be downright cruel. if i were taken away from family, i'd probably get really lonely and sing a different tune. but it's this desperation to quash lonliness that gets so many people into trouble. if i could take a drug that would banish the implanted need for human company, i would -- the "happy life equation" would be that that much more simplified. if i were to improve myself, i'd be worried that i'd attract a girl who was only attracted to me because i'd improved myself. but as i am, i will only attract girls to whom i'm not attracted, because they haven't improved themselves (or are unimprovable). it's interesting the amount of time and energy most people spend on looking good for other people, and generally trying to get others to like them. i often wonder why. i guess this is because people enjoy other people, generally. but if i were to do that, present myself as "i exist for your happiness!", then i'd feel like a snake-oil salesman, and especially so if i made a friend that way. so, probably "never", unless i am able to construct a robot to my specifications. attracting a mate has to do with striving to become the person you want to be, i think. at least that's what i would say if i were in a "can-do" mood. but some of us are so fucked up that we're not going to attract anyone, or go out targetting people who are trying to attract people who aren't us. the consequences of being attractive are largely that you then have to talk to people. i think i'd like to be a different person, and as that person, i can imagine wanting to get married. but, there is a fundamental problem with that scenario. |
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