11 jul 06

"How do I pick up hot chicks?"

chloroform and a spacious trunk.

again, i covered this in another answer -- specifically, the "when are you going to get married?" question. what's worse is that i strongly, strongly suspect that the same person submitted both that question and this one. so, i really have no sympathy or apologies to give here when i say

R.T.F.M.

for that acronym's expansion, rtfm. either that or stfw, which is related.

but as i said before -- i'm not that rude. so, i'll delve into it a little bit, hopefully at least rephrasing some of my older ideas so that you humans can better understand them.

display confidence, good looks, intelligence, and money. another good factor to throw in is bulk -- try to pick up lots of hot chicks, and the number of picked-up hot chicks will statistically increase. it's a lot like spam -- you have to minimize the cost of attempts (learn to accept horrible rejection), while maximizing the potentials (millions of emails, or hundreds of bars/chicks/pick-up lines). i don't know how to do this (increase ability to appear confident); maybe go around to stores and ask for five dollars out of the cash register.

as i said in that other question (grrr), if you don't have these four qualities, they can all be faked. you can pretend to be confident by smiling, talking loudly, not stammering or speaking in sentence fragments (speaking as slowly as necessary, within reason), and looking right at the victim. you can fake good looks by buying nice clothes and shaving. you can fake intelligence by having an education of some kind and by not talking like a bumpkin. money can be faked with a nice car, nice clothes, and buying lots of drinks and crap at the bar, or wherever. note that the things that demonstrate money often demonstrate looks. they also help to fake confidence, but i don't see how having a porshe contributes to the perception of intelligence; if anything, it detracts from it. maybe intelligence should be thrown out.

basically, you have to be a cocky bastard with a porsche and ripped abs.

note that the asker didn't say "how do i find a life-partner for a mutual loving relationship?" if he had, i might have said something about joining a square-dancing club and charming doggie statuettes (?). but, he said "how do i pick up hot chicks?", so i answered it. the sort of "chicks" that are going to respond to attempts to "pick them up" will have their radar activated by the aforementioned cocky bastard with a porsche and ripped abs, as opposed to a sensitive-turtleneck-poetry-book-type, or unshowered-computer-geek-type, or whatever.

just being friendly, willing to socialize, and able to do so comfortable and naturally (thus demonstrating self-confidence) is a big part of it.

oh, leave me alone. you know i don't have any experience here whatsoever.