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03 aug 06 "how do I lose weight in a healthy manner" two things have worked for me in the past: 1) the "sugarbusters" diet, and 2) eating three meals a day while biking four miles a day up and down hills to get to and from work. in both cases i dropped about 40 pounds in about two months, no joke. the sugarbusters diet is in the "low carb" family, but is almost a normal diet (or rather, "food lifestyle"). mainly, one eliminates from the menu pasta, white rice, white bread, cereal, and sweets. i think that's about it -- no simple carbohydrates. you can vary the degree of diet-naziism to suit your tolerance for torture and desire to suck fat away quickly. the trick to sustainable weight loss is a permanent change in eating habits -- one has to make a life-decision, basically. so, the more insane and radical the diet, the less likely one is to continue on it for the fleeting remainder of one's sad little life. for instance, a good compromise, in the low-carb vein, might be to eliminate naughty foods entirely until a goal-weight is achieved, and only then begin to enjoy very occasional indulgences, even though it's easy to see how this plan could meet a tragic end. for the most part, fat people are fat, and thin people are thin, and you just have to accept your fate. that said, there are an awful lot of people out there who struggle through every moment of every day to remain thin. they exercise doggedly, and restrict their intake. they weigh themselves every day. fat and weight are on their minds constantly. but most of the time, this is a quiet desperation, and to the outside observer, these fanatics appear "naturally thin", when in fact they are not. and just think: you could endeavor to become one of these lucky folks! there are some "naturally thin people", of course -- people who have never had a weight problem or felt they needed to consciously restrict or radically modify intake in order to stay thin. these people are weird. in fact, i've heard it mentioned that some research needs to be done on thin people and why they're thin in the face of plenitude, ignoring the millenia of evolution that tell us to build up fat stores in anticipation of the next famine. what's going on in these people's brains? i once saw one of these naturally thin people become distracted by a rubik's cube during dinner. i think this says it all -- food just isn't that interesting to them; there are other things that are more enjoyable, and they simply don't think of food unless they're hungry. shocking, eh? but there are some people, the unnaturally thin, who are so determined to be thin, for whom being thin is so important, that they will not fail. they cannot fail. if they're eating one stalk of celery a day and are still gaining weight, they'll cut back to half a stalk of celery. there's just no way some people are going to be fat; it's not an option. everything else will be sacrificed. many people who want to lose weight don't really want to -- they make half-assed attempts at it. imagine your mother is drowning in the ocean -- failing to pull her out of the drink is simply not an option, so under no circumstances will one make a lackadaisical, half-hearted rescue attempt. this is how some people feel about staying thin: it's so essential, often more essential than anything else, that they cannot and will not fail at it. all necessary steps are taken until the objective is accomplished. it's really that simple. this might seem a little bit fanatical, but that's the way to accomplish anything -- pretend your mother is drowning, and that achieving the given goal is the same thing as pulling her out of the ocean. if you aren't thin, then it's clear that you don't really want to be thin -- you've made a choice not to put losing weight above all else. if it's something you want to do, then doing this is really quite easy. the problem isn't that losing weight is so difficult (it's obviously not -- not sticking things in your mouth is a trivial thing), but that one would rather eat things, or eat too much of the wrong things, than lose weight. it's just a matter of making the decision: "it's more important for me to lose weight than it is to eat yummy things". of course, it doesn't feel that simple -- even if you solemnly murmer the "drowning mother" mantra to yourself again and again, those little pints of cherry garcia still find their way into your freezer. but if this is happening, then losing weight is not that important to you; it's not the most important thing in the world, where failure is not an option. think of your drowning mother ("blub blub help! blub"). the good news is that you don't have to subside on that half stalk of celery, unless you're super-efficiently photosynthesizing without your knowledge. based on my two instances of weight loss success, i'd have to conclude that my problems were and are 1) eating too many sweets and simple carbohydrates, 2) eating between meals, and 3) not exercising. pretty simple, really. if you're having trouble and looking for solutions, then maybe you don't really care on some level. in fact, you must not care on some level, or you wouldn't have a weight problem (drowning mother). i suppose the issue is that people would like to enjoy gastronomic indulgence and attractive slenderness at once, which isn't possible. so, it's a matter of making a choice: what's more important to you, eating or being thin? most of the time, it turns out to be a toss-up, or it varies from day to day, which is the source of a lot of misery. there are two purported reasons to lose weight: social acceptance, and health. health is sort of iffy, i think. not iffy as in "i don't believe that obesity-related illnesses are plaguing society", but iffy as in "i don't think most people honestly consider this as a reason". i've heard a lot of people say "i really want to eat better and lose weight so i can be healthier". yeah, right -- you want to lose weight so you won't be reviled and marginalized by society. and this is legitimate, of course, even though the idea is that we're not supposed to be "shallow" or "concerned with appearances", and that we're supposed to "appreciate ourselves for what we are", and expect others to do the same. bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. why do the unnaturally thin put so much effort into their unnatural thin-ness? because society hates fat people like it hates no others. someone who is fat tells the world that he is greedy, weak-willed, and socially retarded, and that he has no self-control, self-confidence, self-esteem, or positive self-image. no-one outside of fetishists is attracted to fat people. while watching some tub waddle about, in the back of your mind is the sense that they're going to trample you like a raging hippo, or smother you in greasy, sweaty folds of flesh. fat people are blobs of utter revulsion -- no one wants to look at them or touch them. fat people aren't let into the inner circle of hipsters. fat people aren't hired at the good jobs. fat people don't get dates. etc. fat people are hated, miserable, wretched creatures, and are blatant wastes of resources; think about how many calories have been consumed by the fatty, and then think of the spotted owl choking on the acrid, black smoke rising from the burning coal that is required to power the air conditioners needed to keep this leviathin cool in the summer, mitigating the effects of his slab-like layers of heat-retaining blubber. think of starving children in africa, and how a somali family of eight could feed for a week on one of the lardass's between-meal snacks. a life support system in a childrens hospital could be powered with the stored energy in a 650-pound man. being fat is an economic issue, and a crime against humanity. so, it might be a good idea to prioritize weight loss. people are horrid creatures, and it's downright shameful that they feel this way (despise fat people to the very core of their being). but, they do -- if one desires any measure of social acceptance, then one had better lose weight. decide if this is something you really want to do. if it is, then you have to put everything into it, and eliminate failure as an outcome. if you find yourself wanting that aforementioned pint of cherry garcia (sound good, don't it?), then think of your drowning mother -- ask yourself: "what are my priorities?" advice: eat three meals a day, keep the simple carbohydrates to a minimum, and try to find some exercise that you actually enjoy (such as boxing, or yoga). forcing yourself to exercise is very much like adhering to the proverbial "frogs legs, figs and flatulence" diet (apolgies to berke breathed) for a long stretch: it's not realistic. also helpful is arranging your life such that you have no choice but to implement better habits. for example: when living in california, i had no car, and had to bike to work. so, get rid of your car. but seriously, shopping at healthy stores or avoiding certain aisles at your regular grocer might work. in principle, "set yourself up for success". try and think of other ways you might do this; use your brain to circumvent your body. i feel like dr. phil here. if upon reflection you find that you don't really care about your weight, then this is fine, too. |
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