21 aug 06
"why did you say you were leaving sdf but you really didn't?"
SDF (from "Super Dimensional Fortress", featured on "robotech", a japanese cartoon series, or movie, or set of movies, or something), is the name of a rack of computers in texas, one of which hosts this website. the computers run netBSD (a unix), and support multiple user accounts. SDF has a very active user community -- once someone logs in, they have the opportunity to interact with other users in a few forums. last i checked, there were something like 29,000 users, many of which choose not to frolick in the playpen, like this user right here.
"SDF" refers to the user group and software, as well as the physical machines. when i mentioned it to non-users, i found myself hard-pressed to come up with a quick description of what SDF is -- i often reverted to "it's this thing that i'm on". "it's this thing that i'm a part of" is cheesy, but it was quite accurately the case: if SDF is a group of users, then one user (me) is a part of it. if SDF is a community of users, then i'm no longer a part of it.
accounts are fun -- for someone who doesn't use the compilers, usenet, programs, or other tools, SDF still provides less technical goodies like webspace, email, and the aforementioned interactive forums. in the chatroom, one can play competetive tetris. SDF is a good time-waster, although some people use it for "work". however, the community consists of mostly hobbyists.
anyway, i met some interesting people through it, even though there are some serious assholes there.
to create an account, windows users click here. this is just a shorcut for choosing "run..." at the bottom of your "start" menu, typing 'telnet ol.freeshell.org', and hiting `enter`. alternatively, and just because it's a good idea, you can download puTTY and use that to telnet in to SDF. by doing this, you can avoid some of the issues created by the windows telnet client, which are detailed on SDF when you start to create your account.
carefully follow the instructions on the li'l black screen. once you're in (you'll see a $ prompt), type `help`, `faq` and `unix`, and read those. also, type `pine` or 'mutt', and read the welcome messages in your email. for instructions on how to use pine or mutt, use google. all of the sudden i'm starting to see what's discouraging about this.
ultimately, the thing to do is to paypal (you need a paypal account first) $5 to support@freeshell.org, including a note containing your username -- then, you get your url (see the FAQ for instructions on how to create it) and access to more tools. what's even better is paypal-ing $36 the same way; then, you get 100MB and webspace, 100MB of email space, and 100MB of gopher space, which absolutely no one in their right mind cares about, let alone uses.
SDF generates a hefty electric bill, and its space has to be rented. so, it needs funding, which is partially provided by users who like it, even though the ethic of "never pay for anything computer-related" puts a stop to much of it. here is SDF:
back to the question: i meant that i was abandoning those social forums (specifically, the chatroom and the bulletin board). the SDF machines are still very useful, and it'd be foolish of one to abandon them and their functionality because one didn't like the others using them; a better solution would be to just avoid those people.
this is what i wrote, a while back (i looked it up just now on the bulletin board archives):
i can't think of any reason to stay here in any significant capacity. i'm not going to run `delme` or anything dramatic like that; i'll keep my ARPA-fied account for as long as i'm able, solely to luxuriously and unecessarily keep my blog at a unix system, as well as forward any mail that's mistakenly sent to /mail/barnacle.
ie, i'd planned to use the tools for as long as possible, even though i no longer wanted to be a part of the community. i'm still a "meta-ARPA" (continually supporting member) -- dues paid up for 2006 and everything.
sort of amazing that i wrote that bit above, now that i re-read it for the first time in over a year (it was posted on july 9th, 2005). but "leaving" was a hugely significant thing for me at the time, hard as that might be for you or me to imagine.
yesterday, i created another account at SDF, in order to use its webspace for a professional site of sorts, and perhaps a "normal" personal site, as opposed to this one, which is on the abnormal side (consider: potato). i'm never sure the degree to which i should showcase the true depths of my depravity to people like "potential employers" or "potential girlfriends" (it's possible). mainly, my writing is vitriolic, violent and horribly cynical, and i think someone might be disinclined to let me into their world in some capacity if they were to associate me with it.
on this new web-space, i can present myself in a shiny, happy light. but this web-space will remain as the true pallette upon which the dark forces of my expression spew their staining guts. of course, i won't provide a link to my new space here, because this site and that site are necessarily unassociated: dr. jekyl and mr. hyde.
i'm thinking now of how much time and creative energy i put into SDF for something like two years -- i got a lot out of it, i think. once, another hardcore user named "wonko" and i were fighting in com (the chat room), as we were wont to do. i got so pissed off that i wrote something on the bulletin board about him, which he immediately read.
as i take a step back and look at at what i just wrote, it strikes me as being utterly ridiculous: "wonko" and i were fighting in a chatroom, which was a typical thing for us. jesus, i'm glad i don't do the SDF social scene anymore -- it can take a big bite out of your life and mind if you're not careful.
anyway, after i posted, he invited me to a private chat room, followed by a "let's burry the hatchet" bit. so, in the spirit of The Peace, i de-posted. i guess i thought that wonko genuinely wanted to try and get along better. but now i realize that he was only trying to disarm me.
generally, i spend too much energy hating people -- it's a character flaw. however, i'll post the piece i should have left up on the bulletin board so many months ago, but didn't. i pulled it out of my hard drive with a program called "agent ransack", which can search by file content -- turns out the filename is "antizonker.txt" ("zonker" is wonko's old username):
why do so many people have a problem with int80h/zonker/wonko? and yet, at the same time, it seems that many are fascinated and entertained by him. i'm not sure if this is the same thing as 'enjoying his company,' but maybe the distinction is a superficial one, especially in a textual environment. i don't get along with him. i think the reason is that he's constantly abraisive, egomaniacal, elitist, aggressive and too quick to make black-or-white, mannish assertions. he's fundamentally uncreative, and instead uses logic and aggression to pick apart anything anyone else says. well, not anyone -- victims are limited to people he doesn't like. and people he doesn't like tend to be those who don't maintain subserviance. i think com is pretty much divided into people who dislike him, people who tolerate him because they are entertained by his abuse of others, and of course people who are indifferent. normally, i would assume that the problem lies with me -- i just don't get along with him because our personalities happen to clash. but many com regs are bothered by wonko, which leads me to believe that there really might be a genuine asshole lurking underneath the com text. as has been pointed out, the only reason i'm bothered by wonko is because i allow myself to be bothered. but, the fact is that a lot of people share my sentiments, and com is a less-pleasant experience for many SDFers because of the presence of one particular user. actually, now that i think of it, i believe the reason i dislike him so much is because i was so acquiescent to him in the past -- for fear of being attacked, i tended to flatter his beliefs about himself and the rest of the world. essentially, kissing wonko ass. i wonder if many other have fallen into this trap as well. really, the only weapon we have here in an all-text environment are our words. we can perform 'social attacks' -- make people feel bad about themselves. what else is there? slow down someone's internet connection for a few seconds? (barnacle quakes in his boots) wonker has perfected this art. this is his playpen, a place where he can safely assert his dominance over others without fear of being stuffed in his locker. he derives tremendous satisfaction from the power he feels he has here. at any given time, he keeps a long ignore list in com. it's interesting to note that no one else has the need to filter people out in such numbers. i wonder what it says about a person when they have 10 people on their ignore list? essentially, wonko is an arrogant ass, romping in this wonderful environment he's found where there are no consequences to his adversarial behavior. i'm sure he's very quiet and sullen in real life, where the danger exists of getting his nose broken if he pisses someone off as boldly as he endeavors to do in com. anyway, let's talk about int80h/zonker/wonko! like him? why? hate him? why? i'm going to try to be one of those lucky few who aren't bothered by him. unfortunately, i'm sensitive, and indifference doesn't come easily to me. maybe someday..
wonko. logo. adnam. names from the past...
but yeah -- i never said i was never going to log in to SDF again, but only eschew interaction with users. i'd say about 70% of my AIM buddy list comprises people i met on SDF, which is telling.
what i don't get is that (almost?) no-one likes wonko, and yet he remains a fixture in com (i'd imagine). what can he possibly enjoy about being a barely-tolerated fungus? does he not see the signs? does he choose to ignore then? upon reflection, i think wonko (and the "man behind the handle") doesn't care if the people upon whom he forces himself like him or not, which helps to explain his interacting with any human being, while hiding behind a terminal or not: if you don't care if someone is going to throw up, you can go ahead and feed them that week-old hamburger.
but i've moved on, and it's almost 3am.