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31 dec 06 A "your-mom" like entity, nice touch. A "your-mom" like entity, nice touch yeah, i thought that was funny, too. do you like what it does now? the header is generated by two javascript arrays (my first array!) that hold about 600 and 200 abstruse q and z words. I'm listening to trance music i like paul oakenfold -- i think that's the only trance i have. even though i can sometimes identify subgenres of electronic dance music (mostly house, trance, techno, and jungle), i still lump it all into EDM (electronic dance music). sometimes, when i'm talking to someone i know is into this stuff, i refer to it as techno, just to make them squirm. i don't know why i do these things. and putting off my job duties it's sort of hard to slack off at my workplace. you are handed a pizza, and you have to go deliver it. even if you go 20 miles per hour, it's still driving and requires the same cognitive tasks -- you may as well just get there at normal speed. no one expects you to do anything when you're in the restaurant, but that doesn't really matter since every time i return from a delivery there are more waiting for me. you could sit in your car for half an hour after returning from delivery, but then you'd get yelled at by your 17 year old manager. if it happens to be slow, then there's nowhere to sit, and you have to just pace around. and, if you're going to do that, you might as well fold boxes, take out the trash, cut pizzas, sweep, or something like that. it doesn't pay to slack off when cleaning and closing the store, because the faster you do it, the faster you and your compadres get to go home. i suppose you could do a half-assed job, which i'm pretty sure we already do. I have been clean for years, yet I still have moments like this so you want some e, eh? i tried to try it once, but it didn't work. i later found out that prozac (which i was taking) and ecstacy both work to increase the amount of serotonin in your brain, and so one is basically already doing the work of the other. prozac works to inhibit re-uptake of the neurotrasmitter, and i'm not sure exactly what e does -- you could read up; it might actually stimulate generation. there's a vibrant ecstacy culture, which of course has a visible web presence, and i'm sure they've written pages and pages devoted to exactly how e works, down to the subatomic level. suffice to say, if you're taking prozac, e won't work very well, if at all. so, during this incident, i just had to sit there and pretend to be elated while my friends writhed with spiritual rapture. it basically sucked, except i got to make out with a girl i'd always wanted to make out with. w00t i read that "they" considered allowing it for psychotherapeutic purposes. ie, you get into the session room, both you and your shrink pop some e, and then there's this terrific spiritual catharsis where you heal yourselves and the spirit of the universe in 50 minutes. this sort of feeling does take place, from what i've heard, but i think it suffers from the same problems pot does -- once the drug wears off, the universe is no longer a place of perfect love and harmony, but is back to being a grimy dance hall. in fairness, i should mention that some e users, like some LSD users, have reported that a single "session" of usage has altered their perception of the universe, even after the drug wore off -- supposedly the experience was so profound as to have lasting effects on the consciousness. so, maybe they can change reality permanently. certainly if they trigger massive psychotic dellusions, then consider reality "changed". I used to rave back in high school i love to dance -- or at least i used to love to dance, before my body became such a horrorshow. i've never been to a rave-proper, i don't think, but i've been to the limelight in NYC. that was fun -- i was dressed like a frat boy and dancing like a lunatic, and people didn't quite know what to think (you're supposed to have eyebrow rings, blue hair, etc). i also started talking to one of the naked cage dancers about her career choice. i probably needn't mention that i was a little intoxicated. I'm just not as young and hip as I once was feeling un-young and un-hip -- yeah, this happens to some people. i guess i was never young and hip to begin with, so i don't have this problem. death is just around the corner. I think we talked about salvia dorium once upon a time. salvia divinorum, i believe is the correct spelling. and yeah, i did try that once. almost nothing happened, except i maybe saw some flashy lights when i closed my eyes. it was a really unimpressive experience, just like shrooms, which made me sick to my stomach, gave me lock-jaw, made me hot, and gave me giggling fits for about a half hour. there may have been a few shimmery trails around shapes if i concentrated, but they weren't notable. and when i closed my eyes before going to sleep, i did get see a series of unusually potent images. i didn't think anything of it, though, because this often happens to me under normal circumstances. the images were a series of reptilian skulls, all with open mouths and needle teeth. they were all basically the same, but had different lengths-of-snout and were different colors, if i recall correctly. they came one after another, like a slideshow. so i guess that's sort of interesting, but it was pretty weak; it just didn't feel all that profound. i mean...i didn't even notice it. it was only when i thought about it later that i realized "oh yeah....that must have been the shrooms". i've learned to pretty much accept whatever happens to me, neuropsychologically, without question -- if you laced my breakfast total with some LSD, i might not think anything of it. What is it about the pull of drugs? what is it about the pull of drugs? now that's a question. i talked about this in another answer, but i'm tired of going back searching archives to give you links, so i'll just tell you again: drugs are the only way to guarantee a totally new experience, to alter reality. they change who you are and what the universe is, if only temporarily. this is for the hallinogens like pot, LSD and shrooms (i'm not sure where ecstacy fits in there). pcp, ketamine, and DMX (drinking whole bottles of cough syrup, which is proven to damage your brain), are called "dissociatives", and make you feel that you're somehow "outside yourself", that the things happening around you are oddly unreal. but narcotics are different. they, too, twist reality, but not in such odd ways. on cocaine, for example, you just feel super confident, like you have unlimited capabilities, and physically feel something like a full-body orgasm. believe it or not, i've never tried cocaine. what makes them different is that they are physically addictive -- some molecule latches onto some other molecule in a neurotransmitter in your brain, and your brain's operation starts to depend on its presence. opium, heroin, cocaine, oxyconton -- it's easy to analyze the "pull of drugs" when it comes to these: you're addicted. if you don't take more, you become physically sick. if you don't like reality, aren't happy with it, or need a break from it, then drugs, addictive or not, are always there to knock it aside for a moment. the problem of course comes from the continual avoidance of reality; things just don't get done. and if you have kids or something like that, this is a pretty big problem. i ended up buying a bob marley CD (speaking of drugs) at circuit city. it's pretty good, i think. i figured i needed to own "legend" to be considered a proper human being. now that i listen to it more, i think i might not like it very much, or at least as much as i'm supposed to. it's ok, though. i like "is this love?", but not "buffalo soldier". |
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