5:09pm
I went to the library, couldn't find _dune_, and so instead of checking out one of the many, many dune sequels (which I've heard range from ok to beyond bad), I picked up something by orson scott card titled _wyrm_, with a lady in a negligee being accosted by a giant caterpillar on the cover. I read the first few lines, and it said something like 'patience's muscles were sore after a night of fitful sleep.' I checked it out, and then standing on my bike in front of the library, surrounded by the swarm of teens emerging from my old high school, I realized that I didn't want to have to read _wyrm_ on the bus, about patience and her sore muscles and her eventual doggy-style rape by a caterpillar. So, I rode back to the book drop and returned _wyrm_ after having checked it out for about 10 minutes.
I rode to borders, and looked for game/puzzle books. I found a few, but they were really expensive, on the order of $14.95. So, I went to borders's upper level, located a paperback copy of the original _dune_ for about $8.00, bought it, and left the store. I went to radio shack to look for portable radios, but they were all too expensive -- $14.95 for some rca piece of shit that looked like it would break in about half an hour. So, I told the clerk that I had to go check how much money was in my account and left radio shack. To console myself, I bought a peanut chicken bowl at ricky's rice bowl for $5.50 or so.
So, I have _dune_ to read, and I figure I should bring a journal to write in, and maybe even borrow a walkman from mrs. White, even though when I borrowed her vacuum cleaner I lost some attachment, and so have a bad reputation. I generally don't take very good care of things.
I hope this trip is fun.
11:16am
This is my last day in Maryland. I'll be leaving for West Virginia at something like 4:30 in the morning tomorrow, hopefully sleeping on the bus. But I don't know; it's hard to sleep on busses. So today, I have to go to the library, bookstore, and radio shack to get _dune_, a book of games or whatever, and a cheap, cheap portable radio. I'm not looking forward to the bus station in some shady neighborhood in dc at 5:30am. I get paranoid on trips about my luggage getting stolen. I'll carry everything of value on my person, like wallet and...well, that's all.
Packing list:
Wallet
keys
_dune_
puzzle book
portable radio
headphones
batteries
directions to bus station
printout of Greyhound itinerary
clothes for 6 mornings (including tomorrow)
toiletries
I don't know how interesting a bus ride through viginia is going to be.
1:42pm
I set up my .procmailrc file to filter emails that contain the phrase 'you are a fallopian tube,' since I want to avoid receiving these emails.
10:00am
The configuring continues. I'm starting to get spam and virii at my sdf account, most likely because of my rash of usenet postings. So, I started using a filter that smj wrote, before discovering that it doesn't allow any attachments through, regardless of type or sender. So, I think I might implement spambouncer or a similar program, set everything up, discover that it doesn't work, and then rm -rf everything in a flurry and learn to live with spam. Maybe I should save some time here.
Most jobs are a form of welfare, since most people in the world aren't particularly good at anything, and are unable to make any sort of contribution to society. I would wonder to myself, if I were working, about the degree of existential satisfaction in my job; if what I'm doing 'really matters.' it seems apparent that some jobs have more existential worth than others. For instance, I imagine that a survey might indicate the perception of a doctor having more job-satisfaction than, say, a gum-wad remover. But this breaks down quickly with a couple of questions.
Biff: why is a doctor more satisfied with his job than a gum-wad remover?
spliff: because s/he is doing some good for society.
biff: but doesn't a gum-wad remover do some good for society?
spliff: sure, but not as much as a doctor.
biff: why is what a doctor does more important than what a gum-wad remover does?
spliff: because lives depend on a doctor, whereas nothing depends on a gum-was remover.
biff: nothing? What about gum not getting stuck to people's shoes?
spliff: yes, but that's certainly not more important than human life.
biff: why not?
spliff: I don't know.
Who can say why preserving life is more important than preserving clean shoes? It might even be less important -- if you're dead, then you're dead. But if you have gum on your shoes, then you have to go around with gum on your shoes.
Here we have reliance on axiomatic assumptions, yet again -- another instance of godel's incompleteness theorem relating to real life. In order to deduce that a doctor's work is more important than a gum-wad remover, we have to invent something unprovable: that it is more important to preserve human life than it is to preserve clean shoes.
So, you can't really say 'job x is more important than job y.' this argument's logical conclusion is that you can't really say 'thing x is different than thing y.' someone buddhist-y mentions the abandonment of 'the annoying distinction between this and that.' so here we have another connection between zen and nihilism. Western moral imperative depends on linear, finite thinking -- a goal-oriented, causality-fashioned model that breaks down in the face of dada, zen, nihilism, and quantum mechanics.
Let's assume that nihilism is 'right;' that there really is 'nothing to believe in;' that there are no moral absolutes like 'right' and 'wrong,' 'good' and 'evil,' etc. How do we go on living? What do we do? This is a shot in the dark, but I would *guess* that we keep on breathing, eating, shitting, fucking, creating, asserting our dominance and seeking pleasurable sensations. We go on living our lives, but just don't worry about it so much. When there's no 'reason' to be, all you can do is simply *be*.
Any argument that you follow to its logical conclusion is going to get reduced to nonsense. I'm telling you: deductive reasoning, a priori knowledge, free will, and cause and effect are lies. Live your life accordingly -- for tips, email me.
There are no innate structures, no unmoved mover to draw knowledge from (nihilism). Trying to intellectually grasp these innate structures is completely futile, and our only hope for understanding lies within a non-intellectual 'enlightenment' (zen). And, this is all completely idiotic and not to be taken seriously -- it represents a number of 'strange loops,' or things that when followed to their conclusions result in their own negation (dada). I know I've contradicted myself a number of times, but that's the point. My blogs will all be poems from now on.
Rationality doesn't work -- it all ends up being circular.
12:37am
Sucks to your ass-mar.
9:31pm
Today, I went to my dad's house for dinner. We had cranberry chicken. Earlier today, I went on a bike ride with nick, around gaithersburg and around the lake. I've been thinking more about my declaration of being a dada-zen nihilist. I don't feel like I should explain it any more than I did yesterday, just because explaining it represents the very intellectualism that is certainly opposed to dada and zen, if not nihilism.
Oh, this is so stupid. I'm just enjoying the reductionism of applying little categories to things. What a load of shit. I really, really need to stop this intellectualizing. I think I should just be zen.
But it's hard to be zen when so little happens in your life; I find myself too often communicating my theories. But what else is there? Maybe writing prose is for shit -- the only thing I should be doing is writing poetry.