More search phrases, which are always good for blogging with really minmal effort. You will take what I give you and YOU WILL LIKE IT.
1 revelations bible 2 optical never /movement disorer 3 mukade small 4 lyrics to arbuts baby 5 japan sexy 6 negative body image advertisments effects on adolescence eating disorders 7 steatopygic 8 nfl music 9 nfl 10 I'm completely in love and I hate getting out of bed when its cold. I love long walks and crazy weight-loss plans. I can tell you the caloric content of more things than I should be able to. I have an innane (yes innane not innate) knowledge of obscure tel 11 "the hearts of men" and "beatniks" and "live off " 12 "ticket center express" Greyhound faq 13 "follow me" metheny parent directory mp3 14 "martha hodges" 15 baytril pepcid interaction 16 corpse 17 flowers on waist 1040's fashion 18 bunny ranch 19 bunnyranch
Many (most?) of these are google image searches. I really don't get #10. Maybe some guestbook-type personal profile thingy accidentally copy-pasted into a search field? The lord works in mysterious ways.
I wrote my first legal contract today. It was a surprisingly huge pain in the ass -- I found myself going through all sorts of "what if" scenarios, and covering my ass variously for each of them. It took longer than I thought, but I managed to keep the contract down to three pages. I'd link it here, but then YOU'D HAVE MY STREET ADDRESS. HAHAHAHAHA. Not that you probably don't anyway, but it's a fun little fiction to cling to that I keep frenzied people just a hair away from ravaging my personal information, when in fact nobody gives a shit. The internet spawns a certain amount of identity-paranoia.
The reason I wrote my first legal contract is that I roped another web-design gig, and want to be a little bit more firm in the terms for this one, so as to avoid projects that drag on indefinitely (AHEM). Also, for this one, I need to drive down to a restaurant and take some photos, so I got a digital camera! It's a pretty nice one -- let me find a spec sheet or something. here. I didn't buy it from them, though; they just have the nicest pics of it. I bought it from someone else. For less. MUCH LESS. I AM BETTER THAN YOU, AND HAVE AESTHETICALLY AND FUNCTIONALLY SUPERIOR GENITALIA BECAUSE I WAS ABLE TO ACQUIRE MORE MERCHANDISE IN EXCHANGE FOR LESS CURRENCY@$ewsdgsa.dghsduhgksdh. Oh, and also: my vendor threw in a 256MB CF card for FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE (A $20.99 Value!!!!!!)
I'm excited. It's a good camera, I think, especially for my purposes (I'm not printing anything out here, or creating macroscopic posters of beetle larvae from 2 kilometers away). I feel bad for my old camera, but it served its purpose well -- it took lots of photos, most of which ended up here. But now that I have a camera that can focus properly, control its own aperture properly, time its flash properly, zoom, cram in five megapixels, and generally function, there will be nothing to stop me from plunging submersively into the dank and sordid null-pit of PHOTO-BLOGGING.
EVERY DAY you will see new pics of things like my air compressor, basement, dirty laundry hamper, trunk, ceiling, etc. You will have no choice. I mean...what else are you going to do on the web? shop for beanie babies? Please. Stay tuned!
I'm on skype now. This is sort of old news, but I hadn't logged in for a while, and then felt obgligated to, since I've put it in my web contact information. Anyway, I've been signing on, and changed my nickname to "cretinous homosexual," just for fun. I was talking to some people I know, and I thought it'd be funny. HAHAHA. Anyway.
The net result is that I've been getting IMs from gay hopefuls around the globe. I had a fairly long voice conversation with a gay boy from malaysia last night (i kept wanting to ask him if he was a ladyboy, but didn't get up the nerve). Later today, someone from some hispanic country IMed me with simlar intent. His messages were funny. I will copy them here:
[3:46:12 PM] Mantenimiento Raul says: HOLA [5:26:44 PM] Cretinous Homosexual says: hola [5:37:53 PM] Mantenimiento Raul says: COMO ESTAS [5:37:57 PM] Mantenimiento Raul says: COMO TE LLAMAS [5:38:40 PM] Cretinous Homosexual says: esta bien [5:38:47 PM] Mantenimiento Raul says: OK [5:38:52 PM] Mantenimiento Raul says: ERES HOMOSEXUAL [5:38:59 PM] Cretinous Homosexual says: hehe, no [5:39:25 PM] Mantenimiento Raul says: OK BYE
Yo no eres homosexual.
I went to montgomery college yesterday to meet with a counselor, do some premiminary administrative stuff, look into financial aid, and take a couple of tests to opt me out of two introductory classes. This is all in preparation for this certificate in web programming that I'm thinking about signing up for come mid-November, when the spring 05 schedule opens up. After I'd taken the tests to opt out of "internet and web literacy" (especially depressing) and "website development with xhtml" and gone home, the secretary called me and said she'd never seen anyone score so high -- it made me happy. Apparently I only missed one, and that was because I confused a double-negative in a poorly-worded question.
I also went around to the music building, and to the math building, to visit old professors I liked. The music building was something of a dissappointment, since my old theory profs had long since retired or gone elsewhere. The only one I found was my old guitar teacher, with whom I chatted for a few minutes. He remembered me, which was nice. I'm pretty sure I'm not much of a guitar player, though. It's not really something one can maintain without some dilligence put into practice, something that I don't really do.
So while my ear remains good, and can never "go out of practice," my fingers just aren't trained all that well. I'm a sloppy player. Also, I have trouble improvising around jazz standards. After I play a chord and start to twiddle around, I tend to forget the next chord. And the twiddling takes the form of playing a scale based on the old chord -- hardly interesting or notable. In general, my improvisation leaves something to be desired. It consits of: 1) scales in the tonic 2) intervals in the tonic 3) blues passing tones in the tonic 4) sometimes a harmonic minor raised 7. I dunno -- maybe I don't give myself enough credit. But then I listen to joe pass, and I wonder why I'm bothering to spend time on the thing.
If I ask myself "am I good at art?" I don't know the answer. My drawing is out of pracice, but I'm 100% sure I can still replicate a form with a pencil, and draw from the imagination. Painting is no big deal, and composition is easy, especially on the computer. That's how I did that one painting I made for josh -- I diddled around in photoshop, printed out the results, and just used the oil paints as a sort of "printer" to resolve the design -- it's really a foolproof method.
What's funny is that I've been keeping much more in practice with the guitar and music than I have with drawing, painting and design. And yet, I'm still a lot more competent with the latter than the former.
So.
I went to MC yesterday, and visted my old guitar teacher. Then, I went to the math building, and had greater success in my visitations there. I had very nice conversations with two old teachers, and one really unsatisfying bitchy conversation with this little pipsqueak fuck of a calc teacher whose class I audited one summer just to get a feel for it. He has no soul -- I should really stop associating with nerds. They're unsatisfactory humans. He was the only one of the three I visted who didn't remember me; the other two were wonderful, warm, etc. We sat there discussing life and math. It was a pleasant experience, except for the little skinny cretin prick. I think he's either younger than or the same age as me. I want to kill him. He just seemed very full of himself and very disinterested in me (or anyone), and very superficially nice and polite.
The one teacher I most wanted to see, mr. Matthews, my old pre-calc teacher who got me into math, wasn't there, unfortunately. If it weren't for him, I never would have gotten all excited about it as I did. One of the teachers I did get to see suggested that I leave a note for him, which I did. The math department visit was a very satisfying experience, while the music experience really wasn't.
What bothered me most about going to the music building was seeing all of these kids there, hanging out with their instruments and feeling cool and bohemian. I wanted to grab one and shake some sense into him: "YOU WILL END UP MAKING PIZZAS!! DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF!!" of course, there are some people who are so ambitious and smart that it doesn't matter what they major in -- they could major in toad-filleting techniques of the central amazon, and still end up at t rowe price as an investment banker. But I'm not one of these, and certainly most of these dread-locked, pierced music students aren't one of these, either.
If I were ever to have a kid, I'd make it clear to them that majoring in something fun and impractical like art, music, philosophy, etc, is fine if one is willing to accept the pizza-making consequences. I'd suggest that one persue these artsy ambitions on ohe's own, or through a minor, or through a few extra classes, or something. That is, unless they were super-ambitious and clever, which they wouldn't be, since they would be my children.
Life basically sucks for me, and I don't think it's fair to bring someone else into such a shitty world, and especially into such a shitty world wiht a genetic background that would make them very likely to experience it as even shittier than it is. That would just be unkind.
I'm going to do my part to let the human race die off. I think I mentioned before how I consider reproduction to be the sole purpose of life -- the only thing that "matters," and the only reason we're around. Parenthood seems to be a good antidote for nihilism. However, this really isn't fair to the kids, not to mention the planet.
Montogmery college gives the impression of being a real den of idiots, but this isn't really true. It just seems that way, because the idiots are all out in force, lounging around outside in their baggy pants and being 18 years old. Actually in the buildings are the normal people, taking classes. This is with the exception of the music department, which should really just be burned down, especially now that I'm done with it. I got a lot out of it, actually.
Here are the all-time best classes of my college life:
Integral calculus
music theory II
advanced interactivity
logic and set theory
Here are the worst:
Intro to management
intro to information systems
any and all psychology courses, except maybe "abnormal," because I was interested in the textbook
Almost 100% of the problem was the professors. A good teacher could make even "management" bearable.
So I'm considering enrolling in this program. For those uninterested in following links, it's 40 credits (a year and a half) of "web programming" -- pretty involved java, VB script, XHTML, DHTML, XML, plus some database and security stuff. I'm not entirely sure about it, and have serious misgivings. What's nice is that there are some departmentally-linked internships, but I'm sure those are a bitch to land.
It's tempting, because it's "my field," and it'd put me in a better position to be a "web developer." you all know the sad, post-dot-com-crash story of "web designers," I'm sure. The sad story is that there aren't too many of them. Of course, "designer" and "developer" mean different things to different people, but the fundamental change in job duties stands: people hired in a web-capacity are now expected to do all of the things listed in that curriculum, and then some. Basically, it includes more programing, and less scripting/markup/pretty graphic design.
Long gone are the days when a web-designer merely needed to know html. Now, those old skills are an afterthought -- many people know html (albeit perhaps not "advanced" html or xhtml), if not CSS and rudimentary javascript. But web pages are expected to do a lot more now, and require a lot of code on the backend to make them work -- an enormous tangle of server-side programming is pretty much the norm, now-a-days.
During the dot com boom, it's my understanding that people were hired for web projects basically if they just knew dreamweaver. That economy collapsed quickly -- to my memory, people were putting up web-pages that read "welcome to my web business," and investors were pouring money into them without actually knowing what they "did." a good number probably involved web design, or web design consulting, or some such nonsense.
When I look over job postings for current hot potatoes, they seem to be ASP, .NET framework, and C#. All of these are arguably in the curriculum, but not really. ASP is like CGI (not a language, but rather a way for clients and servers to interact via a language), and the .NET framework isn't a language, but rather a "platform," an ambiguous thing that could conceivably comprise an entire new microprocessor architecture, operating system, and basically structure of the space-time continuum. It could turn out to be a pretty big deal.
Although of course I'm sure a class COULD be taught solely on ASP, .NET, and especially C#. This is what makes me nervous.
C# is more out there on its own, but has so many similarities to java that learning it as a seperate thing might be a non-issue. Or at least a small one. For a normal person. Not me. I hate those 5,000 page paperback computer books that basically fill up an entire floor at borders. I don't know what half the titles mean.
I find that when I go off on things like this, about which I know practically nothing, I'm usually told that I have the general idea down. So, I'll hope this trend has continued.
None of these (C#, .NET, ASP, probably others) are directly stated as a part of the web-programming curriculum, but as I said they might not really need to be, even though a nod in their direction would be nice.
This all reflects an inherent problem with any study of computer applications (including intensive study of specific languages) as opposed to computer science: computer applications change at a frightening rate, and someone used to focusing their education around specific technologies rather than underlying principles is going to get screwed, unless they can learn the new technologies quickly (this includes the ability to read and absorb lots and lots of really boring text), something that they'll be in a better position to do if they have a good grasp of underlying principles.
If they're me, in which case they have trouble learning new things at a speed necessary to keep up with the web programming field, that person might have a lot of trouble keeping up with technological changes. So, this freaks me out even more. I've heard the expression (paraphrase) "computer science is no more about computers than chemistry is about test-tubes."
At the very least, I'm going to go over and talk to someone, and get financial aid in place for next spring. Can't hurt.
In other news: I lost a big chunk of 0087.html via the old "forget to 'save as' and use 'save' instead" pitfall. I recovered most of it from a server backup, but I'm still missing at least one, and perhaps two entries. Any generous readers holding the whole of 0087.html in their cache are encouraged to mail me the source. Ha, like that's ever going to happen; I'd have to re-evaluate my fundamental grasp of the laws of the universe if it did.
My cold is pretty much through, even though periodically I clear my throat in a really disgusting, public-inappropriate way.
My step-brother is getting married! More food for me. Yay.
I dunno. Maybe this web programming thing is a good idea. I'm really torn. For one thing, as I've been advised, it might be a good idea to earn some money before spending more. And, a good portion of my job-related problems have relatively little to do with knowledge (i think), although I certainly don't have any, at the moment. I really don't know what to do here.
Now that I read more, it's TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE that this program doesn't teach C#. I realize that a vastly smarter thing to do would be to design my own program, something I should have done at UMBC. I'm going to do that, and I'm going to !@#$ include C#.
I came up with a new logo:
Maybe I incorporate onto index page. I went through a phase when I used an index page where the photo could be easily replaced. So I did this, for a few months. But, I got sick of it, and replaced that page with an older, more creative design (the long-necked dude with four pupils and wirey hair), vowing to keep it for all time. I may go back to it, but I'm thinking it's time for another change.
I looked into web services that print self-designed t-shirts for people, but the only one I found that offers black shirts (i think they're more expensive) charges $89 for one (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Compare to cafepress, which charges like $15. I already have a non-profit (for me) store there (i was shamefully into the "www" then), but the white tees look un-classy, I think. Now that I look at it again after x months, the bunny t-shirt is really the only thing worth buying, in my opinion. I know there's a kind of iron-able paper one can buy at craft stores to print out this stuff for sticking onto shirts. However, I can't get my printer to do color for some reason. !@#$ windows. C'est la vie.
Nevermind. That logo sucks as a web-logo. It only works as a t-shirt logo. C'est also la vie.
I have a bit of poison ivy on my knee from bushwacking my way into the underbrush to dump lawn-foliage. On the other (inside) side of that same knee (the right one), I have a massive bruise. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before (and am too lazy to check). At any rate, here's what happened:
There is a window-well in front of a basement window -- I'm sure some are familiar with this design. The basement window is actually underground, and a semi-circular pit up against the side of the house leads down to it, giving the basement work-room some minimal outside light:
At one point, I had covered the pit with one of those plastic window-well covers, designed to keep rain out, since there were (are?) problems with flooding. This provided a nice surface over which ivy could grow, totally covering it up. That same ivy continued in its flow onto the ground right next to the plastic cover, all the way to the compressor for the air conditioner. It was totally seamless. Just imagine all of that mulch above replaced by ivy.
Maybe you can guess the rest.
Basically, it was like a viet-cong jungle booby trap; the only thing missing were spikes at the bottom. I stepped on the ivy-plastic-structure, and of course it gave way like paper. On my leg's way in, three or so feet down, the outside edge of my shin/knee hit, full-force, the solid aluminum semi-circular frame (check out above again).
250 pounds coming down on this is no joke, and it hurt. I wasn't crippled seriously -- no tendon/bone/joint damage or anyting, thankfully. That part of the body (the area just below the kneecap), I think, is actually just about the hardest, most resilient and least painful area to hit with stuff; I break big sticks against it when preparing fires.
So, it was pretty ideal set-up for getting massively cracked on the knee, if that were predestined to happen (which it apparently was). I had a goose-egg about the size and shape of half a golf-ball, protruding out of my leg, which I iced. Now, it still hurts to the point where I can't step/kneel with my right when getting into bed; I have to remember to use the left knee instead.
So: poison ivy, mosquito bites, knee-bruise, two cuts requiring the ol' scrubbing-with-soap-and-water/neosporin/band-aid combo, numerous slightly bloody scrapes and scratches on the arms and hands, thorn-puntures (i like to do this barefoot, for some reason) and general exhaustion which may have contributed to my current fever/cold (which is getting better fast).
But it's all over now, except for maybe some additional mulching if I keep on feeling obsessive about it. I think I'll go get just two more bags (drool). But I'm basically done -- I took out the ivy against the side of the house as an afterthought (it was blocking things like the water-meter and outside faucet, and was crawling up into spaces into which it shouldn't have been crawling).
Now, the formerly-yellow outside trim is ready for re-painting, as mandated by the Bennington Nazi Committee For Genetically Pure Landscaping (now you know where I live)! I'm not going to do that myself, because I don't feel like getting up on a 30-foot ladder with cans of paint and a roller, while someone else holds the base. I don't think. We'll see. But considering my accident-proneness, it might be a questionable idea.
Here's a better shot of the finished bakyard:
Middle america, here I come!
"law and order - special victims unit" might be a morally corrupt idea. It's sort of like all of those hitler documentaries on the history channel. I think many people watch "special victims unit" (which is a "unit" that deals with sex crimes commited against minors) because they like that sort of thing; "law and order" panders to a sick, taboo fascination with child molestation.
Of course, it's not on public television -- there are sponsoers.
It's on in the background because it came on after "carlito's way," which always inspires me to become a gangster, then the inspiration fades when the movie is over. Carlito says something poignant during the movie: "you can't get a late start (on being a ganster)" to his lawyer friend who has started stealing money from crooks, racketeering, etc. I think I have an OK resume, gangster-wise; better than most suburbanites, anyway.
It's late. I found a 24-hour grocery store that's only about two miles away. I go there when I need food, and am bored at night. I accidentally bought a log of chocolate chip cookie dough. It's sitting in my fridge, thinking about me.
I'm sick -- I have a fever. I made it worse by doing more yard work and general cleaning up. But I napped for a long while, and felt better.
I'm thinking I should start making some long-term plans, except that I'm so terrified of money and failure (and failure at money) that it makes it difficult. I was looking over a montgomery college course catalog, specifically at program in web-development. But then a friend wisely told me that it'd be better to make some money before spending some more. And also, 75% of the courses are utter crap.
People in the computer field need to be able to learn stuff on their own, just because the market and technology changes so fast. I'm not all that good at this; it took me a long time to learn the small tools that enable me to do what I want to on the web. There's a huge, huge, huge amount I don't know.
I think I need to pursue something totally wacky -- something unexpected. I need to go do something strange and unusual. I don't think I can be working these idiotic "business casual" jobs, or idiotic service industry jobs. Sometimes I don't think it'd be all that bad to be homeless, but of course I don't know what I'm talking about. You never know how good you have it until it's gone.
I've started being more thankful for stuff I tend to take for granted. Particularly, running water. I think of this every time I'm in the shower, about how wonderful it is to have this magic stream of clean water that comes tumbling out in practically unlimited amounts whenever a faucet is turned. It's weird, when you think about it.
Also, shelter, privacy, and "free" time. There are lots of things: health, not being tortured in abu ghraib, electric power, the general ability to go to 7-11 and buy a beef patty and equivalent activities, etc.
I'm sick. "special victims unit" is still on.